I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Randomize
