He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I just gift wrapped bread.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
