I think my fart just growled at me.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
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