Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
