May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
