mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize
