Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
