do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
