conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Randomize
