I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Randomize
