i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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