My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
