even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Randomize