Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
This toilet bowl is my home.
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