just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize