dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Randomize
