I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
