You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
BRING THE BAGELS
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
