I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
