I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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