I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
