mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
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