Do you still have your period?
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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