after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I think my nap took me to another dimension
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Randomize
