I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
this hospital has no fireball
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
