And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
