I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
