I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
Randomize
