i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
