while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize