You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
