shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Randomize
