Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
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