we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
