Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Randomize
