Screwed.edu
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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