why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
