I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
