And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
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