Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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