would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
