Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Randomize
