He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
