Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Randomize
