This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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