Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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