i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
