I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize