I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
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