So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
