nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
