By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I supernannyed him into submission
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
