Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Damn victory sex feels great
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
