I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
