perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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