i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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