we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize