it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
