Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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