i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
