oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
My penis needs a shock collar
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
