The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
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