you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Randomize
