Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Drunk walkin through police station. America
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
