what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
