Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
