i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Randomize
