You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
