forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
