Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
