I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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