Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize