pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
