Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
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