I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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